When your elbow itches

scratch it. Don't walk up to someone and rub it against them. There's no good reason to scratch them with your itch.

A few weeks ago I saw a deer in the median on Davis Drive. It had been hit, apparently most violently in the head. As I approached it my eyes were drawn to the reddish pink flatness that was where the head used to be. It was not a mangled deer head, brains and eyes and bone scattered about. Someone had laid down a pink hearts bandana or scarf over the flattened head. It made me feel better, and it made me think about the juxtaposing art of guns with flowers exiting the barrels. Something potentially awful, with a nice afterthought.















I'm glad Incubus came out with a new album: have some lyrics for breafast, won't you?


Earth to Bella (Part I)

Earth to Bella
You think you've got it all figured in
Earth to Bella
Everything you know is wrong (Well, almost)
Earth to Bella
I see where you are not listening
I bear the burden of being the voice that let's you know
We all grow old
And before you swim you've gotta be okay to sink

Earth to Bella
The world can be an unfriendly place
So hold your head up
Do your best to save some face
It's not so hard
Just undo yourself and see your second sun
Ascend

Okay to sink
I'm okay to sink
I'm okay to sink
I'm okay to sink


Earth to Bella (Part II)

Earth to Bella,
this is a quiet emergency.
Earth to Bella,
there'’s so much more to get then wronged.
Earth to Bella,
you'’re treading water successfully.
But are you really?
Don'’t you want to see the deep?
It'’s not so hard.
Just forgive yourself & feel the water open in.


Paper Shoes

I fly/I soar/this I adore. & then like a locomotive
the sound of your sorrow comes. I'’m tired of the way it feels
I only apologized to you to make you feel better
But I think I'’ve outgrown that horsehair sweater.

I'’d rather be alone
you'’re '‘bout as reliable as paper shoes in bad weathers,
but pain will roll off like water on feather.
You'’d fly/you'd soar. But then like a locomotive
the sound of your sorrow comes. I'’m tired of the way it feels
I only apologized to you to make you feel better but I think I'’ve outgrown that horsehair sweater.

I'd rather be on my own
you'’re '‘bout as reliable as paper shoes in bad weathers,
but pain will roll off like water on feathers. I'’m tired of the way it feels
I only apologized to you to make you feel better
but I think I'’ve outgrown that horsehair sweater.

I'’d rather be alone
You'’re '‘bout as reliable as paper shoes in bad weathers
but pain will roll off like water on feathers.

Scent in a New York Minute

One of my favorite things about New York City is the smell. I can go through a lifetime of scents in a 60-second span of sidewalk. I have a sensitive emotional olfactory trigger and I highly believe in the power of pheremones. New York City is constantly secreting intoxicating pheremones from glands of steel and cement and culture. It's all of these things separately and at the same time: gasoline, three day old trash bags, cinnamon, grilled chicken, perfume that makes you want to melt, new shoes, hairspray, urine, wet dogs, old books, mopped floors that never dry, rubber, fish heads, musk, more musk, pastries, cigars, and lights.

You know, like the way a lightbulb smells if it heats up a bit of dust that has gathered on the surface . . .

ilikecitylights

A few pictures, click for bigger views. It was raining pretty much the WHOLE time, so we didn't whip the camera out much. I will write more about the trip later.
I saw a cat in a pizza shop. I heart NY.

Kryptonite

Who knew hotel elevators could be so stylish?

Our hotel

Our hotel entrance

Posing in NYC

ilikecitylights view from hotel room

When they say zero visibility at the Empire State Building, they mean it.

Practicing Knicks--they lost.

Linda after I whooped her in a racing game at ESPNZone.

Oh my gosh, we just met LeBron James!

Ahhh we just met LeBron James.

Linda in the Empire Clouds

Mad Magazine

Nanananananananana Batman!

DC Comics Characters

Mad Magazine

A view from the hotel

View of an ad for Secret on the side of the building, from the hotel.

Minibar--a soda was five dollars.

Gotham City mural at DC comics.

Heavenly Shower at the Westin

Heavenly beds and views and generally moden furniture at the Westin

Good week so far

Monday: surprise win, DVD Monster House

Tuesday: surprise win, cute "Pale is the new Tan" pink t-shirt and fancy new 55 SPF Neutrogena sunblock.

Wednesday: excited about Sunday-- going to NYC to meet Lebron James, see the Knicks vs. Cavs game, staying in an awesome hotel, all with my lovely niece Linda. I heart my hobby. Oh yes, there will be lots of pictures....and you thought San Diego was bad.

New old stray

This new old stray cat, everyone in the neighborhood calls him Hunter; he was abandoned by his owners, but I call him Sunshine (for obvious reasons-and because how can I call a cat with no front claws Hunter--I'm into irony, but that's just cruel).

I do believe he is Romeo to Marshall's Juliet. I picked him up so he could greet her in the window once and he hissed at the fleeting sight of her beauty. Oh love, how dost pain thee. Heh.

When Tumor Joe was around, Sunshine was scattered and rarely seen. I suppose Tumor Joe was the typical alpha male. Now Sunshine follows me to the mailbox and back in the evenings and sits outside for some pebbles of dry food. He's also naturally a very good boy, sometimes a bit cantankerous. Touching one spot on his side makes him nip, but in a playful mood. Hunter...hmph!

Vending Room Acct Balance : -0.24 cents

A week or two ago snack machine karma smacked me on the back of the head (it knows how I hate that) when it spit out a quarter of my change onto the rubbery floor I've mentioned before. I watched it roll away quick and steady like the escaped prisoner it was. It rolled right underneath the sink area, laying down directly below a pipe. It's a precarious spot that I didn't have any interest in crawling into. So, I left it there. I might need it later, I thought.

The next time I went for a soda, I had forgotten about it, but upon bending over to retrieve my can from the machine, my eyes wandered to that quartered spot. It was still there. And it is still there now. Sure I could have picked it out days ago, but it's a little game I play with myself to see if it's been spotted and snatched.

I went to get a soda earlier and there was a penny, heads up, on the ground. Certainly the machines wouldn't be throwing out pennies. Maybe it fell out of someone's pocket. But, I picked it up. So my score for the vending room floor is -0.24 cents.

Autumn is coming, autumn is coming!

Grey squirrel, grey squirrel Shake your bushy tail!
Grey squirrel, grey squirrel Shake your bushy tail!
Wrinkle up your nose, Stick down between your toes!
Grey squirrel, grey squirrel Shake your bushy tail!

She says Hi

Accidental Catharsis

There must have been good times. Certainly there was laughter, merriment, and smiling. At this time of night, I remember the red and black of ambulance lights flickering onto closed apartment doors that hid where other people slept and breathed and dreamed in a healthy way. They would wake up the next morning, clean themselves up and maybe go to the store, or visit a friend. I would wake up in a place that I could not remember getting to, and not understanding why my mother wasn't with me.

The last house we lived in, just the two of us, was on a woodsey plunk of land on Monroe Street. We had never lived so deep into the island, and that might be why I picked that house, that blue square house. Maybe I wanted it to feel like we were really somewhere new. And I did pick it, all by my ten year old self. My grandmother drove us. We sat at the road in front of it and looked for a while. I had never seen so many trees, it was shady and leafy and everything moved when the wind blew. There was a dried out fence to climb on, and a large brick grill to the left of the house.

Mama told me to go inside and look, she didn't think she could manage the steps that day. There were three or four steps, and no porch really. I put the key in the door and walked inside. I probably looked back at my grandmother's deep red Cutlass Supreme before going in, for a bit of reassurance. It felt like playing house in the scariest kind of way. There's no need to take much time describing the house. It was small. But, so was I then, and it seemed like the biggest and most wonderful place on earth at that moment. It wasn't an apartment, and we could make new memories.

I got back to the car and they wanted to know what I thought. Well, I just had to live there. I told them it was wonderful, and that Mama and I would love it. Mama said that it looked sort of small from the outside, was I sure? YES I said, PLEASE. She said she wasn't sure about the steps, but I told her they were shallow steps, and I could help her.

So, we moved in. Once Mama got inside, she said that it really WAS a tiny house. I didn't know it then, but thinking on it now I realize that it was a huge sacrifice for her. It was far away from the few conveniences she had, and the Bingo parlor she liked to go to, and it had those steps. I wonder now if it was a gift, that she had intended to let me pick the last place we would live together. She just gave in too easily, it didn't make sense then, but it does now. Like that old grill, the bricks have fallen apart and have hit me, just this moment. She knew.

That last year and a half she tried so hard to give me happy memories, because she knew what was about to happen. I had no idea, and she knew. The jar of change that she collected and a change sorter she gave me for my birthday, and tickets to the amusement park. The party with balloons taped to trees and the best vanilla ice cream I can ever remember. Any house I wanted, she would have tried to give me. It's taken 15 years to realize, but I get it.

I sometimes tell myself that I was only 11, that I didn't get to know my mother that well, not like I would if she were still here. But she was smart, so very smart. She knew that I would eventually understand. I'm still getting to know her. I never thought she was selfish, but now I know how giving she was. People have told me that she held on as long as she did, for me. I wasn't hearing it. In my own time now, I accept that, I believe it. Oh God, it hurts, and I'm so thankful.

This started out as memory of that house, of remembering the bad and trying to draw out the good, and it's turned into something so much more. My mother is with me. I might have begun to forget that, but now I know. It feels like it might change everything.

Grilling Blackberry Tumors

No luck on finding lost quarters near the vending machine. I haven't been searching hardcore or anything, just take a glance when I do get in there. There has been a penny in the parking lot at home, but it's heads down so I haven't touched it.

Along the walk to my car, my boss pointed out a patch of blackberries. We grabbed a handful and ate them as dessert for lunch. It brought back stained memories of childhood when my friends and I would invade a wild blackberry patch that took up a whole block. We got buckets full. They're beautiful, red ones not yet ripened look as if they will burst if you look at them too long. The black ones are so deep in color, but are very sweet, and even a little cool despite the sun beating on them.

I think I'd like to concentrate my efforts on winning a grill. . . before the summer is over.

New neighbors didn't take a liking to the way Tumor Joe peed on their tires (the car is so ghettofabulous and is the COLOR of pee anyway, who would have known?) So, luckily he was able to move to a farm with some friends of our immediate neighbors, so he won't be put down. I will miss Tumor Joe. But, I'm sure he's happy on that free open land.

Bullets

• The first time I used the vending machine nearest to me at my new place of employment and got change, it spit a quarter out onto the rubberized floor. If I hadn't been looking, I wouldn't have known. So, now everytime I go in there, I look at the floor to see if someone missed their change being hurled at them. Sometimes I go even when I don't need a snack, just for that.
• There ARE animals that get hit in Cary (reference post: About Cary for the horribly ironic backstory), I hit a deer a few weeks ago. Up there on the list as the most horrible 15 seconds of my life, right under getting an anal exam when I was five.
• Thanks to that experience, Scott helped me finally name my vehicle. The X-Terra shall forever from now be known as Frankenstein. Between the hit and run on 5-5-05 and the deer literally IN my headlights, I've had the front and rear exterior of my vehicle replaced. I might fashion some bolts and put them on either front seat door, just for the full effect...and paint it green, perhaps.
• If you like the lemonade at Chick-fil-A, but are on some crazy diet, I highly recommend the Crystal Light Lemonade packets On The Go; great tartness, excellent very cold.
• I said it was going to be a good year for sweepstakes, and I meant it. I've still got a REALLY big one to snag in the next six months...I've just got to put more effort into entering. But so far this year I've won over $300 in giftcards, and am waiting on a 4GB iPod nano and $50 iTunes CG from Bellsouth. Not bad for the crazy girl who gets excited about contests. Because, if you enter, you can win.
• Are you a baller? Or a folder? I remember reading somewhere than men are more likely to fold their toilet paper while women ball theirs up. For me, it depends on the quality of the tissue paper. If it's crappy (no pun-really) and I can't help but ball it up because I have to fight to get it, it's balled. But usually, I think I'm more of a folder.
• Do you likecitylights? Cary just might get a few, but the opposition is strong. Apparently some citizens think it would be obstructing to the views outside of their homes. A seven story building--oh no we're practically a little NYC!!!! Did the land owners and farmers think that subdivisions looked great on the untamed land decades ago? Probably not, but that's what we see now. Check it out.
• Things come in threes. Two days ago I had never heard of a cigar cutter, and why would I really? But, one was mentioned on an episode of Law and Order, and then I saw one as a prize in a sweepstakes. Where will I run into another one? Is Fidel at my doorstep?

Pictures speak quicker than words...

I spent the weekend in Charlotte with my bum-buddy Theran...am too pooped to write about it, but here are a few pictures since I haven't put any up recently. (Marshall gets cuter and cuter every time!)

Bye Scotty and Marshall!!

Jennifer and me as siamese twins at the QA picnic friday afternoon.

Charlotte

Theran's purple toes and my pink ones after my FIRST pedicure....

Our toes are drying, our toes are drying!

The Marshall District

There's a new lamp in the Marshall District, and she's checking it out; standing guard to keep the flame throughout the menacing night.

W

You can't see the moon, boy
for watching the tide wash over your feet.

Kick that neck box back
and hear the waves
boil in.
If you're as brave as you brag,
watch them
buckle
like drowsy eyes with foamy
lashes
closing for good.

And you can't throw hope high enough
for the atmosphere to grab it
'cause it's a heavy thing to carry
and you don't want it scratching up
your hands
for the salt
to burn.

I won't believe
what you say
about being done
with California.

Marshall

Toilet Bowl 2006: TB 7, Sam 28

The Scoop: The flusher in the upstairs bathroom has been fairly fickle recently. Its chain has been loose, slipping off the handle arm and rendering it useless. As many potty jokes as I make, and even though I know that the water in the tank is "clean", sticking my hand in the tank to grab the chain is like my own personal Fear Factor episode. The discoloration from years of city water, and bubbly growths of calcium clinging here and there, to use one of Amy's terms, skeeves me out.

The handle lay limp and flushless the day before Scott was to leave for Ohio. He takes care of spiders, I take care of bugs, he takes care of toilet malfunctions, I take care of the dishes (well I claim to.) It's a nice balance of power we have established; one does things that the other considers loathsome, and no one has to do anything that makes them squirm. In his excitement about his upcoming trip, the toilet didn't get that special Scotty attention. I understand, no problem.

Who knows when the lever arm broke. And it did just that, broke right off; it died of old age I believe, peacefully in the night. We needed a new handle and lever for normal flushing to continue...what's a toilet tank phobic girl to do? Head to Lowe's!

Someone helped me find what I needed and for less than two dollars, I was in business. As a bonus, I really had to pee when I got home; even more motivation to get over my qualms and get the job done. With a few deep breaths and a phone call to one of my tough guy friends, I was ready.

Here are some photos of my porcelain adventure:

Location: Upstairs bathroom.
(Yes-Installing the towel holders I got at Ikea is next on my list)

The culprit
(Yes, that is one of the aforementioned Ikea Towel holders resting on the tank lid.)


It's cute how strong I think I am.
(note the ucky calcium buildups--gag!)


But I needed a little help from Mr. Red Handles here.....


Thanks for your help Marshall. I appreciate your interest, but this is a woman's job.


It works!

The creepy aftermath.

Although I have gained confidence in matters of plumbing, and look forward to future projects, I don't think I'll be changing my mind about spiders anytime soon.

Wedding Chapel of Love

The day after the night that I dreamt I was engaged to Jack Black, I found out that a wedding chapel is under construction at the intersection where I live. It's an odd place for a wedding chapel; the train runs right across the road nearby, and it's fairly residential elsewhere. I can only imagine the train roaring by in the final moments of some happy couple's ceremony.

I wondered if they took that into consideration, a train track 50 feet away? Then I thought, maybe they did, and that they hired someone to sit in a car by the track for a few days and record the times that the train passes by. They could get 10 dollars an hour for sitting in their car listening to the radio, eating Cheeto's. Then, the wedding chapel could schedule ceremonies around non-train-passing-by time slots. Or, they could offer discounted weddings during times that a train would be joining them.

Just seems like a bad omen to have a train rumble by during wedding vows, like a thunderstorm on the big day or losing the rings or the bride leaking her period on her white dress.

It's all too much to think about really.

Music right now: Finley Quaye-"Dice" (Thanks Amy Dear!)

Family Lines

This is my great-nephew, Lewis. He kept asking when I would have a baby, I told him not anytime soon. He said to go buy one. I think he wants someone else to play with.

Lewis likes the "rock on" hand symbol. I tried it, but I think I threw up gang signs instead.

We shared a donut in the style of Lady and the Tramp...

My niece Linda is in there somewhere!!

I wish I could make this face and still be so cute...